One of the hardest things about parenting is trying to keep cool when you get a mouthful of sass thrown at you, or you’ve asked 1,000 times for clothes to be put away to no avail. And while every parent is guilty of blowing their top from time to time, it’s essential to remember that what we say goes a long way with our kids, whether it’s something good, or something bad.
There are certain things we should never say to our kids, and these are the biggest no-no’s, according to the experts.
- “You should be more like (insert name).”
Comparing your child to someone else, be it a sibling or the neighbor kid, will only make things worse. Everyone has their good points and bad points. Focus on your child’s strengths and work with them to help them develop skills in those areas that need improvement.
- “Don’t cry.”
Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and just because we find the idea of crying over a misplaced toy as preposterous, to our children, it is everything. It’s up to us to stay calm and collected so we can show our children that everything will be ok. Eventually, they will stop going to pieces over minor things.
- “You’re fine.”
A statement like this just negates your child’s feelings. Be strong but kind, letting them know that you understand they hurt but that it will be all better soon. Extra hugs and kisses will help a lot too.
- “Good, because I hate you too!”
If your child hasn’t shouted that they hate you over some real or imagined injustice, it will happen. And you’ll want to tell them the very same but even if you’re joking, it’s more damaging than you think. Remember, you’re the adult. Instead, you can say, “I love you too!” Don’t accept their hate for an answer. They’ll eventually realize you love them no matter what.
- “Don’t be scared.”
This sounds like it might be comforting but it’s just another way to negate feelings. If your child is scared of something, talk to them calmly to help explore what’s making them feel scared and help them work through their feelings.
- “I’ll do it.”
Children always want to be like us and do the things we do. They want to try and do it themselves. Tempting as it is to do everything for them, we MUST let them make their own mistakes. That’s the best way for them to learn something. Don’t become impatient and grab their pencil from them when they’re doing their homework. Let them try it and if improvement is needed, show them in a loving and kind way how to do it right. With a drop of encouragement and an ounce of love, you’ll be on your way to raising a confident child who can handle anything that comes their way.
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