Dealing with Disrespectful Behavior: What You Need to Know

When you’re out at the supermarket, your child points some candy out that he wants. While you don’t mind giving your child candy from time to time, you don’t always buy him candy. And even though he knows this, when you politely tell him you’re not buying any candy today because there’s enough sweet treats at home, he suddenly turns into an angry little monster. “You’re a bad mommy! I want that candy! I hate you!”

It hurts. And it’s completely embarrassing. It’s hard not to snap at him and tell him to cut it out or he’ll never have a single piece of candy again until he moves off to college at the age of 18. And maybe you do snap and the two of you bicker back and forth as you haul him and your cartload of groceries to the car. He kicks and screams and you draw sympathetic stares from the other patrons at the supermarket.

We’ve all been there.

While disrespectful behavior doesn’t have to be tolerated, we need to teach our children how to show proper respect. Unfortunately, trying to do so when they’re throwing a fit about candy in the supermarket is not the place. You’ll have to save the lesson for later and try another tactic to diffuse the situation first because when your young child gets angry, their brain goes into survival mode and renders them incapable of thinking rationally.

Tactic #1:

Show empathy so that you can help your child understand their own feelings. You do not have to agree with his feelings but if you say something like, “It seems unfair that you can’t have that candy,” it shows you’re trying to relate to them.

Tactic #2:

Keep an eye on the time of day and the activities. If it’s normally snack time or your child is tired from running errands, it could trigger a mega-meltdown. Children do best with a routine and sometimes life happens and we have to stray from that routine a bit. Be prepared by having snacks and a sippy cup of water with you at all times to help keep this from happening. As for sleepiness, try to avoid going places when you know your child will be tired.

Tactic #3:

Keep calm and carry on. It’s so tempting to shout back. And we’ve all done it. But that doesn’t teach respect. It sends the wrong message and reinforces rude behavior.

So how do you rectify the rudeness? You’ll wait until later when things are calm and then you’ll have a chat with your child when they are at their most receptive. You can start with something like, “It seems like you were upset about the candy earlier. Let’s think together of a different way to tell me how you feel.”

Don’t be afraid to tell your child that what they said hurt your feelings too as long as you keep from blaming. Use wording like “I felt hurt when you said you hated me.” And if you said something nasty in the heat of the moment, now is the time to admit you’re not perfect and that you are going to work on your behavior too. Practice makes perfect in all of this so stay consistent and you will see an improvement.

 

 

 

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